Monday, July 31, 2017

Q and A-Adoption Part 2


Hey Friends!  Happy Monday!

I opened the blog up for any and all adoption questions when we arrived home with Britt.  I answered quite a few in Part 1, am answering more today, and there will be a Part 3 in the future.  I'm still getting some random e-mails with questions.  For the most part everyone has the same questions so hopefully I'll get a chance to answer them all.  If you've e-mailed me and I haven't hit your question yet, wait for it.  :)

Again, I'm not an adoption expert by any means.  I'm just a mom sharing her adoption experience with you.

*What's been the hardest thing about adoption?
The hardest thing for me has hands down been the worrying part.  I'm not a worrier by heart.  Granted, I can definitely get caught up and worry about things but for the most part I try to let things go.  This adoption has been a different story....I've worried about her being behind, I've worried about her possibly having something that requires medical attention the orphanage just didn't know about (and therefore I'm not getting her what she needs), I've worried about attachment and the list goes on.  Worrying is definitely not something I should be doing-(How many times does the Bible say, "Do not worry" or "Do not fear"...A LOT!)  I'm doing WAY better than when we first arrived home but hands down it (so far) has been the hardest thing for me personally.


*What's been the easiest thing about adoption?
Loving her like my other kiddos.  I didn't know how this would feel, how long it might take, how the other kids would feel, etc....but this has been the EASIEST transition.  In the love department, we've got her covered.  From the second they placed her in my arms, she was MINE.


*How did you know what special need to mark on your paperwork?
This is definitely a question your family needs to decide and agree upon together.  I'd encourage you to reach out to your local pediatrician,  your home study counselor, and possibly even an international doctor.  They can all guide you and answer questions you have.  With that said, I'd take that all into consideration and spend a lot of time in prayer deciding what will work for your family.


*What books did you read in preparation for adoption?
I only read two...Forever Mom and The Connected Child (our home study counselor recommended this one the first time we met).


*What was the best/most practical piece of advice you learned in regards to attachment?
Hands down prior to getting Britt this was the thing I was worried about the most!  For the first two months, we were the only people to hold her, feed her, comfort her, or meet any of her needs.  It helped her realize these people are my people.  With that said a great piece of advice another adopted mom gave me (her adopted kids are now in high school) was she's your kiddo...yes, you have to do things a bit differently in the beginning but your mom instincts still need to be trusted.  Do what feels right.


*What questions did you want to make sure to ask Britt's orphanage/nannies when you got her?
To be honest, the day we got Britt I could think of NOTHING to ask her nannies.  It was such a whirlwind of a day, but we saw the nannies again the next day and I had questions...
-How's her sleeping?  Is there anything I can do to make her naps and night time sleeping as similar to what she's been used to?
-What's her schedule like?
-What foods does she like?  Dislike?
-What's the best way to comfort her?
-Anything we need to be aware of or do now (in China) in regards to her special need?

We made a list of questions on the way to meet the nannies on the second day.  (Along with help from the other family we traveled with-we asked questions about both girls at the same time.  I think this was everything we wanted to ask.)


*Any tips for the long flight home with a sweet little one you just met?
I wish I had some fabulous tips for this one.  I had some toys, an I-Pad, and snacks in my bag.  We bought her a seat just to have some extra room so we could spread out a little more.  Britt was amazing on the flight...she fussed a little but never cried.  (If anyone has some helpful tips for things to do, please comment!!)


*How'd you decide to take your other kids with you?  And are you glad you brought them?
Tab and I wanted us all to experience this together as a family.  We wanted our kiddos to get to be there to meet Britt for the first time when we did and when we talk about China, we wanted them to know and have fond memories of Britt's country as well.  It was a pretty easy decision for us...Bowen at the time of travel was four and a half so all my big kiddos were easy.  We're so glad we brought them....if we had to do it over again-we'd do the same thing!

*Do you follow/like any blogs that discuss adoption?
Not really...I've read some amazing adoption posts but I don't have an adoption blog that I religiously follow.  I will say within our church we got to witness about ten families step out in faith and take the adoption journey both domestically and internationally prior to us beginning our paper work.  Seeing these families and the adopted kids thrive was such a testimony to us.


*Do you think it would be hard for a mom working outside the home to adopt/form an attachment?
I think there are tons of moms working outside the home that adopt and are able to form healthy attachments.  It's just like adding any child to your family, you'd take maternity leave and have several weeks at home to work on attachment and bonding before you go back to work.  Absolutely, you can do it!


*Were the costs spread out or something you had to pay all at once?
I thought the costs felt a bit like they were split into thirds....we paid about a third up front throughout the paperwork process, another third for flights/travel, and then another third while we were in country.  There are tons of resources out there for families wanting to adopt who need some financial assistance.  If you feel led to adopt, please don't let the financial part stop you.  You'll find a ton of information online from grants to fundraisers...if God is calling you to adopt, then he'll provide a way.


*Were the majority of people in China kind and respectful?  Did you feel safe?
Yes, I even commented to Tab about how safe I felt the entire time.  I wasn't sure what to expect but I never once felt unsafe.  The majority of people were kind and very respectful.  Like I said, most people were super excited about seeing Americans.  Some got right up in our business, but we rolled with it.  :)

You can see Part 1 here and again, if you have any questions you'd like me to address please shoot me and e-mail alittlebitofeverything83@yahoo.com.  I have another Q and A scheduled for later this month and will do my best to answer them all.

Thank you girls for stopping by.  I hope you have the very best day.  XO

15 comments:

Talley Family said...

Yay for The Connected Child! It is by far the best parenting book whether you have adopted children or not. Check out Empowered to Connect which Karen Purvis and Shope Hope worked on together. So happy for you!Both of my girls are adopted!

Megan @ Letting In The Light Blog said...

ny biggest piece of advice if bringing home a child under two...buy the extra plane seat! That small amount of space with save your sanity and is worth every dollar!
http://www.lettinginthelightblog.com

Bethany Parvin said...

I love reading these so much!

Courtney Taube said...

I'm SO glad you're doing a Q & A, thanks for your honesty, Erika!
XO
Courtney

Sheaffer {Pinterest Told Me To} said...

Great post! Loved getting this behind the scenes look!

Kate Cam said...

One thing we used on our flight from Seoul to NYC was window clings! It entertained our son for a few hours and a little boy in front of us even wanted to know he could have a few to play with. We got ours in the dollar spot at Target.

Mix and Match Mama said...

I loved these questions so much! I especially loved your honest answers. My prayers is that others are called to adopt by following your journey.

brookerichardson said...

I loved how you answered the financial part. It is a lot of money but God always provides a way. It might feel a bit stressful coming up with the next chunk but time after time with each adoption story I read, each family end up with exactly what they need in order to move forward. God is Good!

Laura Kaupang said...

I love that your bought your whole family to China to pick up Britt! Such a great bonding experience and definitely one that they will always remember!

Narci Dreffs said...

I love these q and a posts! Great questions and such thoughtful answers, friend!! Xo

MissKimmie said...

I'm so happy for your family. God is so good. I feel the call but also worry about my age (47). I have three adult children but feel it is our calling to take care of the orphans as Christian families. I keep praying. Thank you for answering the call. I love seeing your journey.

Four Points Mom said...

Thank you for taking the time to share your adoption story with us. This is something we've been praying about for awhile and I love hearing others' stories about how their lives are changing for the best. You're all so blessed to have found each other. :)

Perfectly Port said...

Thank you so much for this information. We just finished Adopted for Life, such a great book! I literally had tears about 1/3 of the book BUT that's me in a nutshell right now when it comes to adoption. I had a lump in my throat when I read this too. xoxo ERIN

Amanda @ That Inspired Chick said...

Love that you take the time to answer all these questions for everyone. I hope this is planting more seeds all over the nation! Love Miss B and can't wait to see her tonight! ;)

That Inspired Chick

Anna said...

Thank you for sharing! As someone who works outside the home, it was very sweet to include and answer that question.